The Fasten Seat Belt Sign is On

Air plane travel is no longer a journey but has become an ordeal. Once and not all that long ago air travel was fun and sometimes a lovely adventure. One dressed properly and behaved with decorum for a flight. Those days unfortunately are no more. Air travel has now become more of a subway in the sky. Upon arriving at the airport one is yelled at by the public address system reminded ad naseum that the white zone is for loading and unloading only. From there it's off to the check-in kiosk where if there is a problem one might find oneself being chastised for not reading the instructions properly by a surly lobby guard/attendant/armed officer. This is all before the real fun begins. Get your documents ready it is now time for the security line. This is where one listens to the other detainees cell phone conversations while waiting behind someone whom after 10 minutes or more of standing in line finally decides it is time to look for their ticket and ID at the guard's podium. Welcome to the wonderful world of the TSA. Now strip down and put everything you have on in grey plastic bins so you can be electronically scanned. I'm sorry you didn't pass; you will need to be patted down. Patting Down is a job reserved by the crabby and unattractive. Now you get to put your shoes, belts and jewelry back on in a crowded walk way. As fluids are verboten by the TSA but luckily one can get a selection of beverages and vittles at any of the shops in the mall area of the airport at a moderately inflated retail price. Once the gate has been located seating is available for most with a lovely view of a Jetway leading to the place where a plane may in some time park. The finally plane arrives dropping off a dazed and relieved looking load of passengers. Once the plane is refueled and tidied boarding can begin. This is done backwards. First and Business classes are given the first invitation to be seated. Then they get to watch every other person pile on. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Shouldn't the hoi polloi be forced to trudge to the back of the plane first dragging their hopefully overhead bin sized bags with them? First class should then wend their way to their better seats with dedicated toilet, tray table service and complimentary cocktail.
Sit down and meet your flying friends. Most of them will be like you, awed by what they have just gone through. There are some fellow passengers the likes of you have never met before. Isn't humanity fun? As an example I cite my last travel experience. I generally insist on a window seat in the escape aisle. Will I open the emergency door? If this baby has gone down I want out; of course I will! I enjoy the inch or so of extra room assuming I won't actually be lumbered with doing any work. On my outbound flight my row mates consisted of a man in need of a belt extension and a rather aromatic man who thankfully only spoke Spanish. Let us call them President William Howard Taft and Dirty Sanchez. President Taft enjoyed a boxed lunch and an array of carry on snacks. Dirty Sanchez was apparently tired and fell asleep. Using the toilet was out of the question for me. Waking Dirty Sanchez, dozing on my shoulder, and denying President Taft a chew was not in the cards. "No thanks I don't need a beverage." The return trip of course offered a totally different experience. This time I was in the singles mingle row. Unfortunately the singles mingleing were opinionated and usually wrong. Arkansas has no Revolutionary war sites and there are no burials from the 1500's in New York City. A book is a must! Unless your row mate on the make decides to lean upon the arm rest extending her long permed brassy head into your light. The little screen on the seat infront of you with the video map telling you how far you have yet to go is your only friend.