Zach Galifianakis is Cool!

If anyone ever asks you if Zach Galifianakis is coo say yes. His date for the red carpet premier of his movie "Hangover 3" is the 87 year old Elizabeth "Mimi" Haist. Mimi is well known in Sata Monica where she would hang out at a local Laudermat called Fox's folding clothes for tips. Zach got to know her doing his laundry and when he found out she had become homeless got her an apartment. Now she is of course Zach's kept fancy lady. Mimi will be Zach's date for the opening of his new movie. This isn't Mimi's first opening night Zach has taken her to others. There is a documentary about Mimi in the works.

Chris Brown vs. Neighbors

In the tony Hollywood Dell neighborhood in the hills above Hollywood a small war has broken out. This war is between rapper Chris Brown and his neighbors. They claim he and his "homeies" drive their flashy high performance cars recklessly through the quiet neighborhood and behave in a threatening manner. Then he decided to cover the outside of his house with graffiti art. The neighbors aren't too happy about this either and they contacted the city. Los Angeles is a city that prides itself on it's murals but there are rules governing murals and it seems Chris Brown's don't follow the rules. The neighbors consider them scary as they are of monster like devil faces and very large.
Chris Brown through his lawyer Mark Geragos says it a first amendment issue. He also claims it is the neighbors who are harassing Chris Brown. Geragos cites calls to parking enforcement, animal control and now to city council member Tom LeBonge. Brown has been cited with a fine for excess signage and levied a fine of $300 described by neighbors as pocket money.
It looks like this will end up in court like almost everything in Chris Brown's life.

Who Would Want to Castrate Justin Beiber?

Sometimes an obsession can go awry. Sometimes is becomes so crazy it is hard to believe it is true but it is. This is exactly what happened to a man named Dana Martin. Poor Dana became obsessed with pop teen star Justin Beiber. Not only did he get a tattoo of Justin on his leg he decided that Justin had to die. Martin had a problem though, he was in prison for the rape and murder of a teen age girl in New Mexico. He did come up with a solution. He met another inmate while in stir named Mark Staake. Martin convinced Staake and his nephew Tanner Ruane to kill Justin Beiber. The plan was for Staake and Ruane to kill Beiber his body guard and two other people. Martin wanted Staake to strangle Beiber with a paisley tie, this is Martin's "calling card" and then castrate him with some pinking shears.

Staake and his nephew were in Vermont hatching their evil plan when suddenly Martin had a change of heart and turned them in. Police officials in Vermont arrested Staake on an outstanding warrant but his nephew made it to New York where Justin was going to be performing at Madison Square Garden. Vermont police recorded a phone conversation between Staake and Ruane where they discussed their disappointment about not being able to commit the murders. Police in New York were able to arrest Ruane who was found with the paisley tie and the pinking shears!
Thanks to the work of the police Justine Beiber escaped penis intact!

My Name is Patsy Stone and I'm an Alcoholic

Eurydice Colette Clytemnestra Dido Bathsheba Rabelais Patricia Cocteau Stone is a woman of undetermined age. You may remember her from her appearances in "Boldfinger" and "Booberella". Perhaps you have been in the shop she run's Jeremy's; if you are thin enough to enter. Patsy lives above an Odd Bins when she is not staying with her old friend and partner in crimes Edina Monsoon. After retiring from modeling Patsy secured a job as a fashion editor the old fashioned way. She slept with the publisher. Still thin and trim after having had a stomach by pass Patsy has been know to eat a crisp or a slice of turkey here and there. Lunch as well as dinner and sometimes breakfast is usually just a glass of champagne or a simple Stoli. Patsy may have her faults but Edina has never had a truer friend!

No More Jersey Shore

MTV has signed the death certificate for "Jersey Shore". This will be the last season for the stupid and inane yet oddly popular reality show. Boo Hoo how sad. Yeah right. What ever will become of the guidos and guidettes? Who cares. Snooki has gone off an become some poor boy's mother, Pauly D is back to being a DJ and I guess part time car salesman again. The Situation and the others will wring the last couple of bucks from the fleeting fame and fade away into the oblivion they came from. In the words of my grandmother, "Good riddance to bad rubbish." Will anyone really be sorry to see them go?

Madonna Sued, 333 Million Rubles

Madonna the mononymous pop star and shit stirrer has been sued by a group of anti-gay Russian activists. Their suit claims they are offended by her support for gay rights. She has been sued for 333 million Rubles the equivalent of 10 and a half million dollars. Madonna just performed to sold out houses in Russia where she also supported the Russian punk band Pussy Riot.
Frankly Madonna is guilty of the charges. She does support gay rights. Let's face it her fan base is mainly gay men.  Love her or hate her Madonna speaks her mind.
There are better reasons to sue Madonna other than her support for gay rights. How about suing her for bad taste or dressing inappropriately for a fifty plus year old woman. What about her dreadful line of clothing? The list goes on but supporting gay rights is definitely not one of her faults.

Lucille van Pelt, Psychiatrist

Lucille (Lucy) van Pelt came into being in 1952. She was a creation of Charles Schultz but to generations of kids she is real. We all know Lucy the crabby, bullying, football jerking, psychiatrist and her faults and foibles. She is the older sister of Linus and Rerun and nemesis of Charlie Brown. She also has a softer romantic side; her love for Schroeder, a musician. She is bad ass.
Lucy may have seemed mean but really she was just a rocker girl. You would have to be a blockhead to mess with her. She'll slug ya! She was also an entrepreneur. How many kids did you know who had a lemonade stand? Lucy had a psychiatric help stand. For most of her career as a psychiatrist Lucy only charged a nickle it wasn't until the 80's when faced with the rising costs of hot chocolate she raised her price to 7 cents.
Sure she was vain and always wanted to be the pageant queen. Haven't we all wanted to say "You do think I'm pretty don't you." with a clinched fist. She always had her girl friends Violet and Frieda to watch her back. But as any female will tell you, keep an eye on them when they are around Schroeder. Her only real threat was from Peppermint Pattie. Both Peppermint Patti and her Alice B. Toklas, Marcie called her Lucille. Lucy knew to stay clear of those girls.
Lucy focused most her aggressive energy towards her younger brother Linus and blockhead neighbor Charlie Brown. She was known to torment them whenever she had the chance. Linus was often her servant and Charlie Brown, even though he was her patient, received the sharp end of her tongue many times.

Love her or hate her Lucy is one part of us. If you were born in the later half of the 20th century in the USA you know Lucy.

Angelyne is an Artist

Is there anyone more Hollywood than Angelyne? By Hollywood I mean fake and driven by hype. The answer has to be no. Famous for being not famous Angelyne graced billboards along the strip for much of the 80's. She is seen around town in her pink Corvette with her name on the plate. In case you aren't sure it's her. Oh sure she was in a movie or two. Her biggest role was in "Earth Girls Aren't Easy". Who is she? Good question! When seen selling her wares from the trunk of her car she is cagey when asked about her background. Her answers make little sense. It is safe to say she isn't a Rhodes Scholar. How old is she? Another good question. Some where between 40 and 150 is a safe guess there. It is hard to tell with her Baby Jane like make up and possibly own hair. She is an enigma though!
Now it seems Angelyne is also an artist! There is an opening at the Burgundy Room Gallery in Hollywood (naturally) of her works of art. What will they be like? From the promotional material it seems self portraits. This show is a must see!

Willard's Willy

Hollywood has a reputation for being "dirty". Despite Disney's attempts to clean it up there are some hold outs of sleaze. One of those hold outs is The Tiki Theater on Santa Monica Blvd. The Tiki is notorious for good ole dirty fun. One of the celebrants this week was actor Fred Willard. Mr. Willard is famous for his humorous roles in films and on television. He is now famous for being arrested for "lewd acts" at the Tiki Theater. It seems Willard's willy was wanked Wednesday. It has been reported that his trousers were not in the proper place. Perhaps they were in the proper place for watching a porn movie but not for a public place. Oh Fred what were you thinking you are 72!

Stealing David Hasselhoff

The New England convenience store chain started a campaign this summer to sell iced coffee using life sized cut out cardboard signs of actor David Hasselhoff.  The campaign has done better than the Cumberland farms chain expected. Hasselhoff's cut out is now so hot he is being stolen from Cumberland Farms' stores. Apparently not only German's love David Hasselhoff.
Cumberland Farms is a New England based company with stores through out the Northeast and Florida. Vasilios and Aphrodite Haseotes founded the company after buying a small dairy farm in Cumberland, Rhode Island in 1938. The farm expanded and the Haseotes family opened a store in Bellingham, Massachusetts that eventually grew to a chain of over 600 stores in 11 states. The company is still family owned.
David Hasselhoff an actor known for working along side the likes of a talking a car and Pamela Anderson. He has also been a judge on reality television. He is infamous for a video tape made by his daughter of his drinking problems. He has had pop music hits in Germany. Now he is a cardboard cut out.
Hundreds of the cardboard cut outs have been stolen but sales of the 99 cent iced coffees have soared.

Run Katie Run

It was announced today that Katie Holmes has filed for divorce from husband Tom Cruise and requested sole custody of their child Suri. Has she finally had enough of her little big man and his cult? Perhaps it was a screening of "Rock of Ages" that pushed her over the line. What ever her reasons are she should run and run fast and then hide. Scientology doesn't care for defectors. Did the cult become too much? Waiting for the mothership with L. Ron Hubbard must be very taxing. All those straight un-depressed people waiting to drink the Kool-aid at the celebrity center could surely get on anyones nerves. Take a page from Nicole Kidman's book and run like a girl with a head on her shoulders Katie!

Alex Trebeck out of Jeopardy and Back on in a Month

Game show quiz master Alex Trebeck suffered a heart attack over the weekend. He is well on the road to recovery but still hospitalized at Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles. This was Mr Trebeck's second heart attack. Last year year Mr. Trebeck had another health related event last year when he awoke to find a woman in his San Francisco hotel room. He chased her tearing his Achilles tendon.
Jeopardy with Alex Trebeck is scheduled to begin taping its 20th season in July.

Angelina Jolie Why?

Movie Star? Angelina Jolie is always the face that appears when in the media the term "movie star" comes up. Yes, she has starred in movies but hardly any of them have been good movies. Frankly most of them are rather lack luster. I personally don't get it or her. She is attractive but not exactly a beauty. There are lots of women who are beautiful, many more than her. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder as the cliche goes. Celebrity yes, movies star I don't think so. Her body of work is less than remarkable. She did win an academy award I will give her that but otherwise her roles are unimpressive. Ms Jolie is more noted for her marriage and being sired by Jon Voight. Her appearances seem to always cause a stir; again it mystifies me. Can someone explain it to me. I have tried to watch her movies and I have hated them. I will admit I have seen "Kung Fu Panda" maybe this is why she is a "star". Perhaps I am misjudging her. Then I ask myself why do I care. Could it be her face and thigh appears so much on television and magazine covers? She is an enigma!